My Partner Doesn’t Know What He Wants


When you start a relationship with your partner, it means building something together. Therefore, both should know what they want and where they should go. However, what if your partner doesn’t know what they want? How should you handle this situation? Is it time to end the relationship or give an ultimatum?

We’ll look at this topic in more detail below. Read on to find out more.

A Joint Project

In the early stages of a romantic relationship, we assume that this is the beginning of a life project together. In other words, the relationship goes towards a common goal and common interests. It is a projection onto the one future that is full of shared dreams, responsibilities and efforts.

However, if a partner doesn’t know what he or she wants, then this joint project just doesn’t exist. Thus, in this case, there is practically no point in any person taking the reins in the relationship.

Living in a relationship is a life project together. As a result, stress and frustration can arise when the terms of the relationship are unclear.

If a partner doesn’t know what they want in a relationship, here’s what you are likely to experience:

  • Doubt. Everything feels confusing. Maybe one day your partner makes you feel like he or she wants a bond, but the next day everything is different. In some ways your relationship may seem serious, but in other ways it feels like you’re just trying things out. As a result, the ups and downs put you in a constant state of doubt and uncertainty.
  • Frustration. Indecision when someone doesn’t know what they want can lead to frustration, stress, and suffering. Imagine trusting someone who doesn’t know what to do and as a result your feelings are not reciprocated. As you may already know, giving more than you get in a relationship is extremely painful.
  • Fear of communication. Maybe you avoid talking about your future together – be it in the short, medium, or long term. That’s because you’re not sure what your partner wants, and that’s why you both shy away from this type of conversation.

What to do if your partner doesn’t know what he or she wants

Speak sincerely

There is no point in keeping your feelings of doubt, frustration, and suffering to yourself. Therefore, the best option is to have an honest conversation with your partner. Express your feelings, ideas, and dreams about your relationship.

However, you should be aware that your partner may not share your plans and desires, or even your feelings. Plus, you can’t force him or her to do it, either. Therefore, you should be prepared to hear something else.

A relationship is an obligation that includes responsibility, understanding, and respect. If these factors are not there, then the relationship will not be healthy either.

Take care of yourself if your partner doesn’t know what he or she wants

The stress this situation creates can cause the relationship to fail. Hence, first of all, you should love yourself.

As we explained earlier, staying in a relationship isn’t easy when a partner doesn’t know what they want. In fact, giving more than you are getting back can be frustrating and heartbreaking. Therefore, you have to take care of yourself and ask yourself if it is really worth it.

If two people do not share the same vision of a common future, the relationship will be doomed. The best thing you can do in this case is to think about yourself and understand that you are going in different directions and wanting different things.

Our reading tip for you: Set boundaries in your relationship and learn to say “no”

No matter what, don’t forget what you want

Don’t get carried away with feelings for someone who doesn’t know what they want. Rather ask yourself what you want for your future.

What plans do you have in mind? How do you want to feel about the person you will share your life with?

When you’re with someone who is undecided and leaves you confused, it’s time to move on. If your partner can’t commit, then they are not the right person to bond with. The logic is simple.

Strengthen your self-esteem, maintain your dignity, and say goodbye to the person who doesn’t suit you. You will see that you open the door and you will find your happiness elsewhere.

Relationship problems are not always easy, but they do not mean that everything is lost and over.

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